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June 07, 2003

Informatio: , ,

Saturday mourning...

Death is always unexpected. Even when you know someone is near death, the final breath is unexpected. When someone is far from what should be their last minutes on Earth, death is so unexpected that it is almost unbearable.

Last night, I heard that Alex, the son of my parents’ neighbors had died. He was around 23 years old. It was drug-related, but I don’t yet know the whole story.

When my family moved into our house in 1987, Alex was only about 6 years old. He was a firey red-head who wanted to take part in every michevious thing that my brother and I (6-8 years older than him) and our friends did around the neighborhood. More than once, Alex starred in the low-tech video productions my brother and I filmed. As he got older, Alex fell in with the wrong crowd and became a little further from us, friend-wise, but he never lost the respect he had for us in helping him to grow up and letting him take part in our lives.

In July, Julianna and I are going back to California for our summer vacation. Alex was one of the people who I had hoped we would see. It’s sad that we won’t.

I have been friends with a number of people who have died before their time. It is a strange thing to have to go through. You know someone, let them in on your life, and expect them to be there at least as long as you are. When it doesn’t happen, it is difficult to process. I grieve for Alex’s family, who will miss him forever. I grieve for my family, who thought of him as a surrogate son and brother.

Now, I regretfully get to add Alex’s name to those of my friends who lived lives that were much too short.

My brother wrote this prayer and e-mailed it to my family and me today:

Prayer In Loss

O Lord God,
You are merciful, wise, and just in all that you do.
      when You give
      when You take away
      in abundance and in loss
Though I may not see or comprehend, all Your works are filled with mercy,
      for You are merciful, wise, and just.

When the harmful actions of others wrench my soul
   help me to trust in Your justice – when You settle all accouts and right all wrongs.

When the storms of misfortune assail my mind
   help me to trust in Your wisdom – You know what results it will bring.

When the sorrow of loss overwhelms my heart
   help me to trust in Your kind mercy – as You gently allow it to happen for reasons I
      cannot know.

You Yourself knew injustice when Your Son Jesus was killed.
You Yourself knew misfortune when He was nailed to a cross.
You Yourself knew loss when He was buried in a grave.

But You, O Lord were just in making His death be a payment for sin,
You were wise in sending Your Son to be the only acceptable sacrifice,
and You were merciful in raising Him from the dead
   to give us forgiveness and new life.
RIP ~ Alex, Allison, Eugene, Denver, Tim, Ken…>

I pray that this list won’t get any longer.

Posted at 12:00 pm

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Comments (5):
Tim,

I too, have experiennced significant loss at a relative young age. It’s hard to understand as well as put into perspective. Thanks for a great post that is thought provoking about the value of live as well as, and almost more importantly, the value of relationship and story.

jason () - June 08, 2003 at 02:18 am

I disagree with your first sentence: death is always unexpected. On the contrary – death is always expected. It is the one guarantee in life. Everyone who is born will die. I always wonder at how people are suprised by death. Sooner or later you will die. In the history of the world there is only one person who was able to escape the grip of death: the Lord Jesus Christ. He rose from the dead and thus conquered its power. The suprise lies not in dying, but in having life after death. And this is a gift from Christ to all who trust in Him.

luke () - June 13, 2003 at 09:05 am

About the fact of death, you are totally right-on, Luke. But, from the “human” stance (no, even theologically, I guess), based on the aspect of our human perception of time, I would readily defend the fact that death is unexpected. Yes, death is imminent, but when it will happen is a variable, not a constant. God knows when. We do not. Alex’s family, of course, knew that he would die one day. They were not ready for him to die the other day. It was unexpected.

So, yes, death is a guarantee. When one will die is not. That is why we must place our faith in Jesus Christ — to ensure our eternal life with Him. If we knew when we were going to die, we could just wait until the minute before our death to ask Him for forgiveness. That is not what our Lord desires. He desires us to have abundant life through Him. I think God designed “uncertainty” into death for this exact reason.

timsamoff () (URL) - June 13, 2003 at 09:42 am

I’m just now reading this for the first time from your current link and pic on your main page. Tim, so sorry to hear of your friend’s death. Sounds like a tough situation. It’s always hard when the young ones go before it seems like it should be their time.

I have to agree with you, Tim, on the unexpectedness of death. Death is definitely imminent, but I would say very rarely expected. We all know we will die, but unfortunately when, where, and how is something we actually will never know while here on earth.

If you’ve read my blog at all, I’ve written a few times about my sister’s death. She died in a car accident with her two best friends at the age of 21. It was completely unexpected. She was in perfect health. They were on a short day road trip. It ended in tradedy.

We all expected she would be with us as long as we are here. We definitely never expected to lose all three girls at once. I can tell you for sure I never expected to out live my sister. I was always the sick one in the hospital growing up. I can never even remember her being sick, other than an occasionaly cold. So Luke, I have to disagree with you on your statement about death being expected. We know we will die someday, but when it comes so suddenly and without warning and in circumstances that are routine, that is unexpected. Surprising, even.

Tim, I pray strength and peace for your family and friends during this time. Thank you for sharing the story about your friend.

Cynical Tyrant () (URL) - July 30, 2003 at 3:20 pm

Hi Tim, This is Ali (Summer Cloud) I was reading your post…I googled Alex, just to see…If you or Luke have any of those old home movies, I would love to get a copy, and I know my parents would really like to see them too.
Hope you’re doing well.
xo
Ali

Ali () - September 10, 2003 at 6:26 pm

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