Born: June 9, 1972
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August 12, 2003 at 3:37 pm
A couple of random chunks of self-analysis...
Last Sunday, Tim gave a sermon on preparation. The Fall season that is usually hectic and full of chaos for most people and one of the goals of the sermon was to get us to think about preparing for the next few months before just diving in. There is truth to the fact that being prepared is a good way for us to be at peace with God’s plans and to know where we need to fit in periods of rest wherever possible.
Today is the last full day of my summer break. Tomorrow, I have to be in a meeting from 8am-12pm. Then, on Thursday, I have to do the same. School starts again on Monday. The fact that I am writing about my last day of summer vacation on the last day of summer vacation should say a lot. I don’t feel prepared, but, in actuality, I don’t really know how prepared I need to be just to start working full-time again.
What I really don’t feel prepared for are the months to come. I’ve been trying to answer some questions that Tim posed to us on Sunday for a few weeks now (most of his questions had been rolling around in my head for a while). Yesterday, I was inspired by some ideas about getting a business loan and starting my own design company. I thought that my inspiration may be the answer to some of these questions, but I also feel like this idea is not what God wants me to do at this particular point in time. Maybe someday.
I wish I had Tim’s list of questions in front of me. I’m going to e-mail him for the list so that I can post it here and try to answer them more analytically.
This is a picture of my wife, heading off to work at seven in the morning (click it to see a bigger version). She is not a procrastinator. Most of the time she is very prepared. She is amazing: beautiful, strong, funny, delicate, realistic, creative… All of the things that I ever asked for while growing up. Thank you, Lord. I pray that I can honor her, love her, respect her, cherish her, comfort her, support her… But, I am unworthy and I fail all too often. My own emotions and desires get in the way of her blossoming wonder like a weed that wraps around a flower’s roots. Part of my preparation for the coming season not only has to do with my work and my life, but with my marriage too. In twenty-six days, Julianna and I will be celebrating one year of marriage. To be prepared for a life-time is impossible, but maybe I can prepare for a few months at a time.
Lord, prepare me. Destroy all of my attachments to “self” and prepare me to be the employee, the journeyman — the husband — that You have planned for me to be. Please help me to realize when I am veering off into “headspace” and lead me back to reality.
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