Born: June 9, 1972
« MT-Blacklist (comment… | Home | Defunkified?! »
October 21, 2003 at 11:15 am
Who got the funk?
Seriously. I’ve got a week off and I have nothing in me. No music. No art…nothing. I’ve got a half-finished website that I can’t find the inspiration to look at. I’ve got a list of things to do around the apartment. And nothing. I’ve had weeks like this before — weeks that I would look forward to because I’m normally just oh-so-busy. But, nothing. These weeks usually come and go quicker than the blink of an eye and I have nothing to show any of the free time.
My wife would tell me, “This is your time. Take a break.”
( You see, I am one of those people who has to have a big list of things to do at all times — someone who doesn’t like to be “jobless.” )
But, I’m not without a job. In fact, I’m starting a new one on Monday. So, I should be able to get off of my butt and do…something.
Nothing.
I would like to record a new album — this is almost a fading memory. I have a number of ideas for films that could be made. My art box screams at me to pick up a brush or a pen everytime I see it.
Nothing.
It’s like my heart is completely disconnected from my brain and the creativity that I used to think I had was only temporary insanity. I yearn to create, but my senses are dead…or dying…or comatose…or…
Nothing.
And I hate this because it seems like every week off I ever have — every one that doesn’t include a trip to somewhere or a plan to do something with other people — is like this. I know that I should be doing something, but I can’t. Or I won’t.
But, I don’t feel lazy by any means. I feel…inspirationless. (Emerging Minister is just flooring me with his new project — this is inspired and, years ago, I might have conceived of something like it.)
I wish there was a Lost-and-Found for vision and direction… I tried to look up Muses-R-Us in the phone book to no avail.
I got the funk.
Digg This Story | 
Save This Page
No Trackbacks
Trackback Link:
===
I hear you.
As a former workaholic, beating myself up remains one of my sadly favorite pastimes.
I must say, you have a wise wife.:^)
Blog on!
Posted by: Bene Diction at October 21, 2003 10:22 AM
Hang in there Tim… you’ll shake off that funk… and if by chance you don’t, perhaps you could turn having funk into a career by becoming a soul train dancer or something. Or, maybe you could work with the people at http://www.stealthdisco.com.. They need some funk.
God bless.
-Greg
Posted by: greg at October 21, 2003 09:21 PM
You know… I don’t know if I ever thought about my affliction cam from being a former workahololic myself! Interesting… Of course, my entire family is kind of like this so who knows! :)
Posted by: timsamoff at October 22, 2003 05:15 AM
You know, sometimes it’s just as good to do absolutely nothing. It’s not a failure, it’s not a lack of creativity. We all need a break sometimes, and it sounds like your last week or so has been stressful and emotional, leaving your job and all. A break is good.
I’ve learned to savor the lack of being busy when it happens, and just do absolutely nothing as best as I can. Forcing something that is on a break anyway never works out very well for me.
Don’t fret. You are not on a time schedule, you have no pressure to perform. Listen to your wife and take your time. CDs, writing, painting, whatever will come when it’s good and ready.
Don’t fear the funk! Experience it.
Posted by: Cynical Tyrant at October 22, 2003 09:31 AM