Bus Proverb #14

Ha ha! Typical funny bus story. I love it!

Holy cow, Dennis. Sheesh.

Seems like if you wore the hat, you would have a nickel for everytime… What with it presumably being lucky and all.

F**k the bus! Yeah, thats right… F**K the bus! Oh.. my.. gosh.. Yesterday was like…traumatic! First, on my morning bus, its over crowded. Then i get on and the bus takes off and i’m thrown embarrasingly into the lap of some stranger. Luckily, she was quite forgiving. Then i’m stuck next to chatty Kathy (well, his name probably wasn’t Kathy). But he talks to me the whole way… Dude, its morning, i just fell on this lady and i’m on my way to a job i hate. Please just… leave me be. Then there’s added nutjobs that ride the bus. Some chick who would agonizingly whine “Ooowww” everytime someone would brush by her to get to a seat. “Okay lady, lets not get dramatic” I said. Hey, i could have said a lot worse so just back off. By the time i get to work, as i told my buddy Tim here via IM, i needed a F**Kin’ drink. Or a cigarette. I don’t even smoke. Man! its only 7:30 AM and already, i’ve had it with people. Well, fast forward to the end of the day, i get on my evening bus home. This has got to be better, right? WRONG! So, we get about half way home and the bus makes a sudden stop. I’m asleep… wakes me up but no harm. However as i open my eyes people at the front of the bus are lying on top of one another. Who the hell trains these bus drivers? NASCAR? So as people all get to thier feet, we wait. and wait… at this point, i remove my headphones and the lady sitting next to me informs me “We aren’t gonna be moving for a while”. Apparently, someone got hurt.. “Of course” i think to myself. The bus sits for a while and the mob get restless. Okay, here is where some sort of public speaking skills might have come in handy. “Ladies and gentlemen, i can’t drive worth s**t, and i have thrown one of our passengers into the windshield… would you kindly exit and wait for the next bus”. Or you know… something like that. But nothing. She doesn’t make any announcement, address the passengers. But i can see she’s walking on and off the bus. The bus behind us with the same route stops right next to us and the bus just empties.. everyone for themselves! I’m thinking “Oh great, as if the buses aren’t crowded enough… forget it!” Dude i walked right past that mob trying to cram into an already full bus and whispered a quiet “F*******k that” as i kept going. For a mile.. i was so angry. I get to the next stop and get on the bus. After one stop i’m asked to “clear the area for a wheelchair passenger” and the bus driver is talking to me like a child. I didn’t hear him the first time cause i was busy listening to Guns n’ Roses (Welcome to the Jungle appropriately- even fire trucks with sirens blaring drove by as the song began which has a “busy city” sample also with sirens – kinda neat). So i take off my headphones and ask “excuse me?” He practically yells at me. I am gonna f**kin’ pop you in face, mr. bus driver. Finally i get home and head straight for the gym. THAT was a good workout, let me tell you. Today, you ask? Oh, i DROVE.

haha..

I hate you.